


The Pineapple Incident

by lovewhatyoudo



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alien Cultural Differences, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Kiss, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Pining, Pining Loki (Marvel), Post-Thor: The Dark World, Protective Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 07:45:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18361658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovewhatyoudo/pseuds/lovewhatyoudo
Summary: “You shouldn’t eat that!” Loki exclaimed before Anthony put the fruit in his mouth.“What?” Tony asked with a look of confusion on his face.“Don’t you know that it is extremely acidic? I would not want your stomach to deteriorate,” Loki said, hoping that the mortal would listen to his explanation.“Loki, this is a pineapple.”





	The Pineapple Incident

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU post- Thor: The Dark World. Loki does not pose as Odin. 
> 
> The title is from How I Met Your Mother

Loki has not been with the Avengers for very long. It has only been a few months since he arrived on Midgard with Thor after defeating the dark elves. Loki was sure that he was going to die, but when Thor returned to retrieve his body, he found him to still be alive. It did not take long for Loki to recover, but it was definitely an inconvenience. He was brought to Stark’s tower in New York to heal and has been here since. 

Being around the Avengers was a bit of a challenge at first. Barton was not enthusiastic about Loki’s arrival and has kept his distance. The black widow mainly has stayed by Barton’s side and only spoke to Loki when necessary. The captain has been polite enough during Loki’s stay, but there has been no real personal interaction. Loki has not spent much time with Dr. Banner and does not plan to. Loki sometimes still wakes up with a stiff neck in the morning as a result of his beating from over a year ago. 

But Stark was different than the rest of his friends. Loki could tell that he was cautious at first, but he has been the most open about Loki staying with them. A week after Loki’s arrival, Stark offered Loki the drink that he promised him last year. They have been friends ever since. Loki has even started to call Stark by his first name, Anthony. 

Loki has grown rather fond of Anthony over the past few months. He admires his work ethic; Loki enjoys watching the engineer build in his workshop throughout the hours of the night. The things that Anthony build are extraordinary and listening him talk about his inventions is fascinating. Loki could listen to him speak all night. It also doesn’t help that Loki considers Anthony to be  _ very  _ attractive. Loki never even considered being interested in a mortal before, but Anthony has one of the most brilliant minds that Loki has ever encountered. Loki especially likes the sound of Anthony’s laughter. Loki has done whatever he can to make him laugh, such as turning the captain’s spaghetti into worms and setting Thor’s pop tarts on fire in the toaster. 

At the moment, Anthony is sleeping in his bedroom even though it is 1:00 in the afternoon. They were both up late in the workshop, but Loki is naturally an early riser. Loki was reading a book when he heard Captain Rogers walk into the common room. 

“Hey, Loki. Can you make sure Tony eats this when he wakes up?” The captain asked as he placed a bowl of food that looks like fruit on the coffee table in front of Loki.

“Alright,” Loki responded, and then the captain left.

Loki took another look at the bowl of fruit in front of him and noticed something odd about it. His magic allows him to take a look at the contents of different kinds of food, which is very helpful when he visits other realms. Loki noticed that the fruits have a rather high amount of acids in them, which is probably too dangerous to be consumed by a mortal. Anthony has made Loki try many different kinds of food since his arrival on Midgard, but none of them had a level of acidity that was this high. This food may kill Anthony if he were to eat it. Perhaps Captain Rogers is able to consume a greater amount of acids than regular mortals due to the super serum he received and forgot that Anthony cannot. There is also the option that the captain is attempting to poison Anthony. It seems unlikely, but Loki has always known to be cautious about food presented to him. It took almost a week for Loki to try that cold substance that melted in his mouth that Anthony made him try the other day.  _ Ice cream _ , Loki thinks that it is called. It tasted very good. 

“Morning, Lokes,” Anthony said as he walked into the common room. He went straight for the kitchen to make coffee. Anthony made Loki try coffee a few weeks ago, but Loki hated it. He doesn’t understand how Anthony can drink the substance as much as he does. He prefers the tea that Dr. Banner introduced him to one morning. 

“Good morning, Anthony,” Loki replied. 

Anthony made his coffee and Loki decided not to mention the fruit that the captain brought. It worked out, because Anthony did not show any interest in eating it anyway. Loki didn’t think about it for the rest of the day after throwing the fruit out. 

That night, Anthony ordered Chinese food for the two of them after he finished making some adjustments to one of his suits. This is something that Loki has not had before, but he really enjoyed it. Loki loves trying new foods that Anthony gives him. He has not had many Midgardian foods in the past, but he also likes the sight of Anthony’s smile when Loki tries something that he likes. 

The next morning, Loki is awake and reading a book before Anthony wakes up, as usual. The captain returned with more fruits for Anthony to eat. This time, they were blue colored berries that Loki has determined using his magic to be very acidic. There’s no way that a mortal can eat many of the berries and live. A mortal’s stomach is not strong enough to not break down from very acidic foods. Loki left the berries on the kitchen table and was prepared to stop Anthony from eating them if he tried, but Anthony just ignored them. Loki wondered if Anthony knows that he shouldn’t eat the fruits. Maybe Anthony isn’t eating them because he knows that they are poisonous. After Anthony left for the day, Loki tried one of the berries out of curiosity because he knew they would not harm him. He enjoyed the taste of it, they are more flavorful than the berries on Asgard.

The captain along with the rest of the Avengers continued to bring fruits for Anthony to eat throughout the rest of the week. Anthony never ate them, but Loki is still worried. Loki couldn’t think of a reason why the team would want to poison Anthony. Anthony provides them with the shelter and funds that they need to survive. Without him, the team would not have all of the resources that they need to fight their battles.

One morning, the black widow brought what Loki learned are called grapes to give to Anthony. She didn’t say much to Loki, just that he should make sure that Anthony eats it. Loki finds it peculier that they all are so interested in getting Anthony to eat food that he clearly does not want. It has been almost two weeks and Anthony has barely paid any attention to the fruits. With every day that passes, Loki becomes more worried for the mortal. 

“JARVIS tells me that I should eat something,” Anthony said as he entered the common room about an hour after Natasha delivered the fruits. 

“You do tend to forget to eat when you spend the night in your workshop,” Loki pointed out. 

That’s another thing about the mortal that worries Loki. Anthony goes through long periods of time without sleeping and eating. Mortals are not supposed to be awake for more than 24 hours a day, but Loki has seen him stay awake for longer than two days. Loki has also seen Anthony not eat for hours at a time. 

“JARVIS, do we have lucky charms?” Anthony asked his AI while heading to the kitchen. 

“We do, Sir. But I would recommend something with more nutritional value,” JARVIS replied. 

“Lucky charms are the most valuable breakfast food. That reminds me!” Anthony exclaimed, and then turned to Loki while gesturing for him to go to the kitchen. “You have to try lucky charms! You haven’t lived until you have had them.”

“I have lived for over 1,000 years, Anthony,” Loki reminded him. 

Truthfully, Loki liked trying new foods that Anthony gave to him. It is more time spent with Anthony, and Loki likes the new food more often than not. Food on Asgard is boring in comparison to the food on Midgard. The food has not evolved much back home since Loki was born over 1,000 years ago. The food on Midgard is much different than it was when Loki used to visit the realm centuries ago. Loki considers the time spent with Anthony trying to foods to be their  _ thing. _

“1,000 miserable years without lucky charms, you mean,” Anthony bantered. 

Loki let out a chuckle. “I will try your lucky food,” Loki responded, which earned a laugh from Anthony. 

“Lucky  _ charms _ ,” Anthony corrected. Loki threw his hands up as an apology. 

Anthony opened one of the cabinets to retrieve two bowls and placed them on the counter. Then, he found a red box with a picture of an small animated man wearing an obnoxious green outfit. Anthony poured the contents out of the box and into the bowls, and then added milk. He handed one of the bowls and spoon to Loki before they took a seat at the kitchen table. 

“You take the spoon and dip it into the bowl. Make sure you get both shapes of the cereal and the milk on the spoon,” Anthony told him, before demonstrating how to eat the meal.

Loki looked down at the bowl to see that there are indeed two shapes of cereal pieces in the bowl. Some of the pieces have a beige coloring, and the others are brighter. Loki did as instructed and put a spoonful into his mouth. Some of the pieces are hard and crunchy, and some are more chewy. 

“There are multiple textures in my mouth,” Loki said after he swallowed his mouthful of the lucky charms. 

“But it’s good, right?” Anthony asked with a hopeful look on his face. 

“It’s very sweet. I like it,” Loki replied. Anthony let out one of the biggest grins that Loki has ever seen. Loki would do anything to keep Anthony smiling like that.

A few days passed and Loki tried nachos for the first time. Loki jokingly yelled at Anthony for not introducing him to the amazing chips and cheese combination months ago. Anthony ordered the food every day since Loki tried it for the first time. Nachos are truly magnificent. 

That morning, Barton entered the common room while holding a bowl of cut-up yellow fruit, and Loki noticed the amount of acidity in it right away. Loki wondered when the team will give up on trying to get Anthony to eat the fruit. He has not eaten a single piece.

“Can you please make sure that Tony eats this?” Barton asked. 

“He clearly does not want it, or else he would have eaten the rest of them,” Loki pointed out. He hopes that maybe they will stop once they realize that Anthony will not eat the fruit. 

“Of course he doesn’t. Just try, okay?” Barton sighed. Loki nodded in response so Barton would leave the room and leave him alone.  

About an hour later, Loki was reading a book on the couch when he felt it shift under him when Anthony sat down next to him. Loki was in the middle of an interesting part of the plot, so he did not greet the inventor right away. Once he finished his page, he looked beside him to see Anthony holding the bowl of fruit Barton dropped off earlier that morning. 

“You shouldn’t eat that!” Loki exclaimed before Anthony put the fruit in his mouth. 

“What?” he asked with a look of confusion on his face.

“Don’t you know that it is extremely acidic? I would not want your stomach to deteriorate,” Loki said, hoping that the mortal would listen to his explanation. 

“Loki, this is a pineapple,” Anthony told him. 

“I have no care for what it is called, but it has a high level of acidity that a mortal’s stomach cannot handle,” Loki explained. 

Anthony nearly choked on his laughter before he was able to reply. Loki didn’t understand what was so funny about almost eating a poisonous food. He could have died. 

“This is a fruit, Loki. Humans eat it every day. Watch,” Anthony said right before putting a piece of the cut-up fruit in his mouth before Loki could stop him. “See! No stomach deterioration.” 

“I underestimated the human stomach,” Loki said, which caused Anthony to chuckle. 

“A little bit. Want some?” He asked, and then handed Loki the bowl of fruit. Loki took a piece and it tasted good. It tasted similar to a fruit from Asgard. 

“Why have the others been trying to get you to consume fruits every morning?” Loki asked. He has been curious. 

“They think that I don’t eat enough nutrients. Fruits have a lot of vitamins and stuff,” Anthony answered. Loki can see where they were coming from. Anthony is notorious for neglecting his health. 

“It is very nice of them to look out for you,” Loki replied. Anthony hummed in response. 

“Why did you want to stop me from eating it?” Anthony asked. 

Loki was not sure how to answer his question. He could tell him the truth, that he would hate to see Anthony die because he would miss him too much. That he has grown fond of him over the past few months of spending time together. That Loki has developed romantic feelings for the mortal. 

“You have provided me with food and shelter for the past few months. You allowed me to stay here while I was healing from my wounds from Svartalfheim,” Loki told him, deciding not to express his feelings. 

“Admit it, Lokes. You care about me,” Tony grinned.

“More than anything,” Loki admitted without thinking and immediately felt embarrassed. Loki is a 1,000 year old prince of Asgard, he rarely feels embarrassed. 

“I wouldn’t want you to die from stomach deterioration either,” Anthony said, with his cheeks pink from blush. 

Loki started to notice that Anthony was sitting very close to him on the couch. Their thighs were touching, and Loki started to lean towards Anthony before he could stop himself. He cupped his hands behind Anthony’s head and pulled him in for a kiss, and it was better than how Loki imagined it would be. Anthony has soft lips, and Loki felt like he could kiss Anthony forever. They finally pulled away from each other, and Loki caught a glimpse of Anthony smiling at him. His smile is Loki’s favorite thing in all of the nine realms. 

“Did you know that some people put pineapple on their pizza?” Anthony asked. 

“Please tell me that you are joking.” 

**Author's Note:**

> This weird fic is completely based off of a tumblr post that I can't seem to find anymore except on google images https://images.app.goo.gl/B6QWZ8RfTeE4v1CbA
> 
> Sorry for any scientific/nutritional inaccuracies. I just googled acidic fruits and didn't really do any research. 
> 
> This is my first time writing anything for the mcu, and I don't really write much to begin with so let me know what you think! Kudos and/or comments are very appreciated :)
> 
> Follow me on tumblr :) [lovewhatyoudooo](https://lovewhatyoudooo.tumblr.com)


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